I wanted to write about this topic because in the past couple of years I realized that chronic illness can be so invisible, that we might not even be aware of our own experience of it. According to a collective of health organizations, at least 1 in 5 people live with chronic illness on a global scale. Feel free to look up the figures for your area, it might surprise you.
There are many specific biases I used to hold about the experience of CI including that it would be somehow obvious to me if someone carried this identity and that folks with CI were fairly rare. It wasn’t until a couple years ago when I was applying for a job that my particular illness was listed on a job application under a list of chronic illnesses. The hope is that by informing HR, one may be able to manage to have some accommodations to continue to do their work when flair ups occur. I did get the job, but it became too complicated to properly submit all the paperwork and I gave up. This experience highlights how the systems and institutions that define them can sometimes heavily influence our own perception of ourselves.
Flair ups! Most CIs have better and worse periods of experiencing their illness from day to day and month to month. There are times when I am able to achieve more and times where I have to force myself to rest and negotiate with the prickly critic inside of me. (Kristen Neff has been an enormous help for this: https://self-compassion.org/self-compassion-practices/) There are also times where I’m better able, and more motivated, to manage my symptoms effectively and times where I cannot find a shred of ambition to engage with my CI.
My particular story about my CI is that is the result of some specific trauma that occurred during my formative years. Identifying this, for me, has been helpful but not led to the resolution of my illness. Whether a complete resolution possible, I am not certain and I live in faith that I am where I am supposed to be. Others may have a completely different story about their own CI; many of us have a story of some kind. It helps us cope, make sense of the world, and can potentially the habit of spiralling about the randomness of it all. It can also fuel it though! What’s your story?
Heal Into Your Desires 