Mentor/Mentee, Master/Subordinate, Sponsor/Sponsee, Therapist/Client
I started this series as a single blog post and then after I released it, I felt a sense of incompleteness. So I wrote a second post and then it became a two part series. Then recently I remembered how overwhelmed I was when I wrote my capstone project for my masters. The idea of writing an enormous paper based on several other papers was intimidating. So I started a blog and began writing pieces of it, one at a time. I really wanted to explore power dynamics more directly in my capstone, but the topic had to be narrowed down in order to make it manageable. I remain curious about power dynamics and it feels fairly impossible to filter them down into one cohesive article. Here’s part one of many:
Part I:
All relationships contain a power dynamic of some kind. Sometimes it’s heavily negotiated, often we come with preconceptions of what is expected of us, or society might have instructed us on how this label of relationship is meant to ‘look’. I’m grateful to have experienced both sides of various intentional power dynamics which can minimize, but doesn’t necessarily negate, the experience of a power struggle.
One example is when a sponsee of mine and I discussed expectations when we started working together as sponsee and sponsor. It felt somewhat awkward and difficult to pinpoint and articulate exactly what each of our expectations were. I had a sponsor several years earlier, who appeared very clear around what she expected of me and we made adjustments as we went along. It was early on in my recovery and I was looking for that power structure of someone telling me what to do. Now I have a more collaborative style which lends itself to less clear cut rules and more negotiated agreement.
With my current sponsee, at my request, we also talked about what the difference between a sponsor and a therapist. My training as a therapist indicates that the focus is on the client’s experience and my own story is discussed only in a limited way. It is more appropriate for me to share about my personal struggles with fellows in recovery. Sometimes my sponsee holds space for my overwhelm, but with a focus on centering her goals for recovery in our work. When I am paid for a therapeutic exchange, I vigorously anchor the client’s experience in session as a trade for funds. These funds represent the energy and expertise I put forth by focusing on their experience almost entirely for a negotiated period of time.
Like I said before, breaking down these power dynamics can feel awkward and clunky at first. We want to leave behind a compare and despair attitude as no dynamic we have witnessed or experienced before is a perfect mirror for the one we might be encountering in this moment, though our brains might try to convince us otherwise for simplicity sake. As I come to better understand power, the desire I hold is that I not only know how to identify and ask for what I need or want, but to know if I’m available to receive it as well.
Image sourced through: <a href=”https://www.vecteezy.com/free-photos/lightning”>Lightning Stock photos by Vecteezy</a>
Heal Into Your Desires 